No one expects to be a second wife. Every young girl fantasizes to the first love and only love of her future husband. Being a second wife comes with its unique set of challenges.
There are many stereotypes facing such women. Most people married as second wives cannot deal with the challenges and end up divorcing their husbands. Here are three truths about being a second wife.
Many people do not like second wives. Being a first-time wife to a second-time husband comes with a lot of resentment from family and friends who are loyal or knew his ex-wife. Acquaintances and children from the previous marriage view such wives as home wreckers. Stepchildren often side with their mother and it’s hard to establish a relationship with the kids that resent you. The children and other relatives of the man view the newcomer as an intruder. If you are second wife, you’ll find that your family and friends too stigmatize you. My friend, who is a second wife, during her wedding had to bear with her mom who wore black for the occasion.
As a second wife, you have the challenge to be a better wife. Usually when the man’s first marriage ended in divorce, there’s the pressure of being better than the first wife. For example, if the first wife was a great cook you will have to match up. You have to deal with all these standard and still focus on staying happy in your marriage. In cases where there are step-children involved you have to learn how to relate with them. It takes effort to address their problems. These expectations can be draining emotionally and can even lead you into depression. For such pressure you require your spouse’s support and it is wise to share with him. To keep your marriage intact, you’ll simply learn the maneuvers of what works and what does not.
Finally, dealing with baggage from the previous marriage is a complication for every second wife. Baggage can take all forms from emotional to financial. Honestly, love is complicated and it is a requirement for any marriage to work. However, as a second wife you have to live with the fact he loved someone else before you. Sometimes your husband may call you his ex-wife’s name but instead of getting mad you have to be understanding. When budgeting for family finances, you’ll in most cases have to include his first wife and also plan for your stepchildren. You’ll have to deal with his ex-wife getting a share of his assets such as the house and pension. Tolerance, patience is important to keep one’s composure in handling all this for the benefit of the marriage. In the end you have to learn to focus on your own happiness.
